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Its time again,

Born in the hood, raised on the backseat of a Jaguar, I roll with my crew and beat up mosquitoes on hot summer nights. I don’t regret anything and I am doing things for the right reason now let me get on with unloading the latest rap from Danepack Shakur for this quarterly update. Ever since the general (wife) banned me from motorcycles I have been feeling this void in my soul….the lack of danger, the sense of speed, the adventure of travelling with your mates on two wheels feeling free as an eagle but finally the Khmer Rouge gave in and let me have a little adventure. This summer I am going with 5 old friends to the Sierre Nevada desert to ride off-road for 4 days in the wilderness. My wife has a point, in London while riding a motorcycle I am more likely to get hit by Bob Geldorf doing a u-turn in his eco green Lexus, whereas in the wilderness of Southern Spain I can hit a few grasshoppers and perhaps a construction manager looking for some work….none of it life threatening. I am more concerned about how my heart will react when I see what my Stirling buys at the exchange rate desk….that mighty Euro will ensure I bring packed lunches from London to avoid a sudden stroke over a 7 Euro croissant, you know the world economy is becoming a bizarre place when bringing food from London is cheaper than buying food in a country with 20% unemployment (Spain).

The road to success is always under construction, but even worse the road is uphill and very bumpy….I took the plunge a few years ago starting my own business, the high’s and lows are like a Greek tragedy combined with an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical. Some day’s you feel like you won the lottery and others like you are strapped to a wing of Mitsubishi Zero Fighter with a kamikaze pilot on the morning of 7^th of December 1941 on way to Pearl Harbour (certain death). Which bring me to the point of my beloved daughter! She is the complete opposite of anything with lots of fluctuation, she is consistently looking like the last survivor of Hiroshima, very rarely smiles in public, most people say she looks like Mona Lisa…the eyes smile a little but the mouth looks quite grumpy. The only time I have seen her smile in public was when a handicapped girl walked up to her in Sainsbury’s and dropped her ice cream on the floor and started crying, well I cant complain she does have a sense of humour the little bugger. She does quite extreme facial expressions. The two photos below is an impersonation of Clint Eastwood (from Gran Torino) and Susan Boyle. I rest my case. I think she has great future ahead of her and might just end up in a Quentin Tarantino movie with a face so versatile. 

I read in an article that the British now consider mixed race people more attractive, while they account for only 3% of the population they make up 10% of those considered “extremely attractive”. Darwin suggested that diversity of genes lead to great genetic fitness and this in turn seems to be linked to attractiveness. I am already starting to plan how to take out young boys that want to visit Maya after school, but then again with her serious facial expressions like Madge from Dame Edna only the very brave will attempt to visit.

Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, “So. What did you think?” Well I hope when I am lying there that I will be able to tell an exciting story that is full of laughter, happiness and it includes my family and friends like you.

On that happy note, have a fantastic spring

Danepack Shakur

A few humorous comments I read somewhere in the past 3 months…

I was born by Caesarean section…but not so you’d notice. It’s just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.

When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice

I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.

 

A Jewish grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She pleads, “please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, bring him back.” And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new. She looks up to heaven and says: “He had a hat!”

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