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Dear Friends,

The heatwave in London has been a wonderful change to past summers of rain. We have had an outstanding dry spell for 6 weeks, the grass is as dry as BP’s savings account, the wife is happy and looking smokin’ hot and even little Maya & the doggies are quiet in this heat, both parties slightly subdued which gives this summer a lovely silence. I left the corporate world 3.5 years ago so I am no longer a prisoner on the hot tube, but can actually enjoy the sunshine. However, I do miss the office air condition even though it would sometimes create arctic conditions and snow on my desk. In my home office the temperature is regularly 31c (even too hot to watch porn), so when I read stories about sweatshops in the Far East, I can definitely sympathize, and I think whether you are manufacturing a Nike shoe in the Philippines or working on an IT Outsourcing deal in 31c the pain, sweat, tears and toil equally stack up, the only difference is location & pay but they are not far off.

Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life, and the little princess has kept me busy laughing. Her first 3 words were “mama, daddy, and baby”. She says mama when she needs food, daddy when her diaper needs changing and baby when she wants to be carried….I am pretty sure that trademark will follow her through life except the content will change. She will say “mama” when she needs to go shopping, “daddy” when there is some pooh-pooh that needs sorting out, and “baby” when she needs her teenage boyfriend to carry her around on the backseat of his highly tuned scooter. But I did notice her maturing slightly the other day while playing with daddy’s stereo…. the first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.

She has also recently discovered 8 sharp teeth which I hope she will continue to use on boys who approach her in nursery….they have already left serious marks on most of our remote controls and on my chest….we have two dogs so when people ask I will just blame them otherwise they will think our daughter is a re-incarnation of “Jaws” in Maida Vale. She is also a tough little one (not surprised considering the DNA from her mum who can survive a nuclear bomb head on). When we visited the neighbor their two sons aged 3 & 5 kept lifting her up by her head and ears and by accident dropping her on the floor…and the parents kept saying “She is not a doll boys…treat her well”… she in fact smiled back at them with a mischievous smile….and if I were to predict her thoughts they would go something like this “Just you wait boys…you might enjoy lifting me by head….but sooner than later I will be bigger than you, stronger than you, more mature than you, read the Hello Magazine, have kissed more boys than you, and if you touch me again, I shall give you a round-house kick in my dungarees and finish you off by hitting you with my plastic spade and destroy your sand castle”

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. Unfortunately most of the compromises I make with my wife only have 1 winner and it ain’t me. This year I had planned two boys trips for some escapism. Just before I left on the first trip the Dragon lady grabbed me by my tonsils with her chopsticks and said “You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you at a later date”. I left for a driving holiday with 5 friends thinking it wouldn’t jeopardise my chances of going off-roading in Spain later in the year….honestly, I am so optimistic that if I fell off the Empire State Building, after 50 floors I would say ‘So far so good’, but in this case I had bitten off too much…two boys holidays away from diapers, massaging my wife’s feet, daily routines, picking up dog pooh, closing outsourcing deals….it was too much, my conscience agreed with my wife that with a new born baby it is important to stay behind and help out. I still have not recovered from the torture and most nights Reina ties me in the basement while Maya reenacts “Chuckie” and stabs my toes with a rubber alphabet. On that happy bombshell, I will just say I am a proud husband, daddy, brother, son and friend to many people and I am still breathing so life isn’t too bad.

Asta la vista
Danepack

PS…..some funny sayings I read somewhere recently……. 
If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings including this one.
A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
Join The Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

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