Brexit analogy: We have all been on a night out with a mate who says “Its shit here – lets go somewhere else” Then when you leave the place you realise he has no idea where to go and the place you left won’t let you back in…..the UK is standing in a kebab shop at 2am arguing about whose fault it is – when I read this twitter message I laughed but there is also a painful truth to it. Theresa May doesn’t have a clue, parliament is about as clear headed as Joe Fraizer was in the 14th round of the Thriller in Manilla, The EU is fed up with negotiating and just wants to get on with more important matters and if one more person uses the “B” word I will vomit. The uncertainty is continuing and all the people who voted for it are slowly dying or losing their jobs as global companies decide to shift focus to places that are in the zone where the market is. Humanity is a funny old thing….we take a few steps forward and then somehow our imperfections allow us to take a giant leap backwards. Last time Europe decided to go all nationalist and independent 70 years ago it didn’t end too well for about 50 million people but it seems everyone has forgotten that so let’s just press ahead with our nationalist agenda and forget about collaboration, partnership and closeness of our neighbours. I simply can’t wait to spend endless hours at embassies applying for Visa’s, standing in long queues in airports and to pay £12 for some strawberries……UK is going back to the 1970’s I can’t wait to wear bell bottoms, brown, purple and yellow clothes…….. Unfortunately my thinning hair won’t really stand up to a 1970’s afro but I will try my best to participate with enthusiasm in riots, demonstrations, football hooliganism, fuel and energy rations.
2019 has actually started out really well for us. Business is booming, wife needs to visit a chiropractor soon from carrying all the gold bullion into the bamboo hut in our garden, the cleaner has asked for a 20% pay rise and I went berserk in the garden and deforested most of it. I must have watched too many Vietnam War movies as a child, Agent Orange doesn’t have a leg on me! When I went into the garden hung over on one cold winter day with an axe, garden shears and a saw…..after two hours of screaming, moaning and covered in thorns from top to toe there were no winners…..only survivors. I butchered every living green thing that had survived winter. I was merciless, ruthless, and brutal and annihilated every organic biomass matter. Wife came out screaming “what have you done!!!!!” I turned around and had the same frenzy look as Jack Nicholson in the Shining when he popped his head through the bathroom door and yelled back “Daddy is in the garden”. I left nothing to chance it was like the first images of Hiroshima in August 1945 just me, some garden equipment, a bit of blood and lots of dead green stuff on the ground. The next thing I heard was ….”oh my god my beautiful rose bush…..this thing has survived the war and look what you did to it” Well who knows maybe it was Nazi spy….it had to go. It was evil, covered in thorns and only for a few weeks gave me something nice to look at. Get rid of the bitch (I am referring to the rose bush). She immediately ordered me to stop my savagery…my old Viking blood was flowing and swinging that axe into a defenceless bush or tree felt like year 950 AD when my ancestors occupied this bloody island. She ordered me to ring an expensive tree surgeon to rescue the damage I had done. OH my god what is he going to say when he sees my battlefield of Nam in 69’. I chose someone based on their image, he made Charles Bronson look like kindergarten kid. When he arrived he complimented my work and said don’t worry the rose bush will be back in no time. …phew! That was a close one the wife didn’t castrate me and I came back from the spare room. Of course I tipped the guy £50 quid for his compliments. If you ever need a tree surgeon I can highly recommend him. Here is a photo:
The kids had half-term last month and we thought now with the future political bleak outlook we might as well get used to spending holidays in Britain. So we drove down to Shoreham on Sea to stay on a houseboat. It was a marvellous experience – we stayed on a boat, inside a boat within another boat. Yes you read that right. The Houseboat consisted of a Dodge Fire engine truck that had been converted into a house boat. The roof was another boat that was upside down and then when you came inside the boat you slept inside a catamaran hobie cat 16 as a bed frame. Whatever the artist was smoking or drinking I want some of that because his creative juices were endless. See some photos attached.
We had some blissful days playing scrabble, cards, listening to music, walking along the beach and getting some much needed time and love with the family. Life is as good as it gets….and long may it continue. I hope you and your loved ones had a terrific start to 2019.
All the best,