June 2016 Update

Dear Friends,

Brexit fever is hitting feverish temperatures in the UK……So will the UK vote to leave Europe or stay in on June 23?……I think the lyrics from the punk band “The Clash” are particularly poignant ……

Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there will be trouble
And’ if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know

Some of the scare mongering from both campaigns have been outrageous in some respect similar to US elections with Trump vs. Hillary.  Some of the scary posters I have been getting through the door focus on the negatives of staying in EU……if we don’t leave 89 million people from eastern bloc countries will overrun Britain by 2020, pigs will soon only speak Polish, the EU costs Britain £350 million per week and they only get half of that back. On the flipside 3.5 million jobs in Britain are due to EU, 54% of British exports go to EU, the majority of economists and politicians encourage us to stay, yet old pensioners keep shouting on TV “we must protect Britishness and I don’t want to be controlled by some Belgium paedophile dressed in a waffle costume while drinking Leffe beer” I do realise that by staying vast amounts of money goes to sustain some private club for failed politicians so they can enjoy the high life without the responsibility, but by staying we have some sense of stability and right now the UK economy is already on shaky ground and could do with some certainty. Either way Brexit worries me less than this l’Oreal hair stylist’s wet dream……if he gets into power get ready for that finger pushing buttons in the Whitehouse that launches invasions and missiles into the Middle East while fighting serious constipation……last time I looked like that was after 3 Big Mac’s with no water and in serious need of the lavatory for a number 2.

Enough politics and news coverage. Back to the good old world of middle age, family life, and marriage. We just finished the kids half-term holiday and it was a marvellous one. Firstly, I got to use camping equipment I had bought 3 years ago, secondly after 24 hours in the wilderness my kids told me they were done with camping. Result….. job done! Another box ticked on the bucket list of family experiences before the birds leave the nest. It all started out with good intentions. We set up camp in Chipping Norton, weather was lovely 22c unfortunately we did have to stare at some caravans nearby which isn’t ideal but ok we are doing it for the kids as they really wanted to try it. As soon as we finished some ravioli from a Heinz tin cooked on a small gas cooker the kids wanted to go to bed, honestly they were that excited to test their torch, 2 season sleeping bag and air mattress. But they forgot something those small suckers this is Great Britain and Global warming is in full swing so the temperatures dropped to 8c in early June. Let’s just say I awoke to the kids teeth rattling next door like a train wreck and them discussing how freezing it was, and the Malaysian Dictator who had been whinging about cold weather in Britain was sleeping like a hibernating Grizzly bear and sweating like a championship boxer in a sauna covered in bin liners……she was like a volcano and everyone else with Nordic blood in them came up to the South East Asian Volcano for heat. Poetic justice, the parents didn’t want to go camping but ended up sleeping well and getting by just fine, and the kids who really wanted it…… all they could think about was their nice bunk bed back in London…….salvation lies within girls I said to them as we packed our gear and returned home none the wiser.

Back in April I joined our 25 year re-union with my old school friends in Denmark. What a joy to reminiscence about our youth in the 1980’s, old memories flooded back of terrible hair do’s, fluorescent jackets, and bizarre experiences of puberty riddled with insecurities. This was a time when the world was enormous: spanning the vast, almost infinite boundaries of my neighbourhood and the journey to school. The place I grew up, where I didn’t think twice about playing on someone else’s lawn. The street was our territory that occasionally got invaded by a passing car. It was where I didn’t get called home until after it was dark. And all the people, and all the houses that surrounded me were as familiar as the things in my own room…….my gosh what did happen? Feels like it was yesterday and I am starting to sound like my parents…..almost reasonable, I better up the medication!!!

On that happy bombshell, I hope your loved ones and you have a terrific summer. Stay cool by the pool.
All the breast Danepack Shakur

Some sayings I recently read that made me chuckle……..

Sharks are not so bad… If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I’d probably get angry too.

Living on earth may be tough, but it includes a free ride around the sun every year.

The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you’ll be a mile from them, and you’ll have their shoes.

I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.